Written by: Kalin Goble Mathis, M.S.
Promoting military fathers’ positive involvement in caring for and raising children is a protective factor and promotes positive family functioning. Children exhibit fewer risk behaviors and engage in healthier, positive social skills when their parents are actively involved (El Nokali et al., 2010). The majority of fathers with children under 18 (85%) report that being a parent is the most important aspect of who they are (24%) or one of the most important aspects (61%) (Schaeffer, 2023).
Gender informs worldviews, beliefs, expectations, and responsibilities, shaping how many men think and act. In the field of mental health, the workforce is mostly women, with 77.1% of mental health counselors being female (N.A, 2022). Thus, understanding how expectations of manhood impact men’s daily lives is an important piece to the fuller picture of supporting male clients.
Men in the Military
Being a father/caregiver in the military means duty and family involvement may feel like competing responsibilities. Data from Military OneSource shows that as of 2022, men accounted for almost 83% of active-duty military service members. The mental health of men in the military (the majority of our armed forces) – and their functioning within the culture of the military – may be impacted by rigid gender roles and expectations.
Factors impacting the lives of men in the military may include:
- Separation: Deployment, temporary duty assignment (TDY), and general scheduling requirements (i.e., being away from the family for extended periods) may create emotional and logistical challenges. These challenges have implications for all members of the family (the service member, the partner/spouse, the child/family). Permanent change of station (PCS) can also disrupt connections, especially if one’s duty station is away from family, friends, and other support systems.
- Reintegration: Returning home and working to reestablish a routine can be challenging for families. Though partners and children are happy their service member have returned from their duty, it can be difficult to change routines and bring them back into the household dynamics.
- Expectations: Men may experience mental health issues, and may also have anxiety and stress related to their schedule and the impact it has on not only their engagement with the family but also the responsibilities their partner may need to take on while they are away.
Implications of Societal Expectations
Societal expectations/”norms” of what it means to be a man identified in the Man Box study focused on seven pillars of what “Real Men” are supposed to be. The characteristics pulled from these conversations with men were:
- Self-sufficiency
- Toughness
- Physical attractiveness
- Adhering to rigid gender roles
- Heterosexuality
- Sexual prowess
- Using aggression to resolve conflicts.
Men who identified more with the above characteristics of the “Man Box” were significantly more likely to have perpetrated verbal bullying, online bullying, physical bullying, and sexual harassment. Engaging men in mental health and destigmatizing help-seeking can cultivate protective factors for healthy mental health outcomes for men and families alike.
Strategies for Support
So, what may this look like in your interactions with military men and fathers? How can you be inclusive of the experiences of men in the military?
- Be creative! Use positive messages and inclusive images in your office that illustrate men caring for children and being supportive partners/spouses.
- Reach out to male allies at your local military installation. If possible, collaborate with male leaders to support, endorse, and refer to your program/services.
- Schedules are often different (and more oscillating) for military clients than those of civilian clients. Where possible, schedule your services or groups at a time that is convenient for your clients (e.g. after 5 pm, at lunchtime, etc.) or work with clients to figure out when services are most convenient for them. Keep men engaged and encourage them to form positive bonds. When possible, make your services couple-focused or family-focused, including both partners.
Maintaining strong communication with family during deployment and time of transition is important. A Military REACH summary on Fathering at a Distance in the Military: Techniques for Presence and Emotion Work Among Canadian Armed Forces Fathers identified promising strategies. Below are the strategies participants of the study used to deal with the difficulties of fatherhood in the military:
- Separation Preparation: Meaningful preparation such as recording the father’s voice for the child to be easily accessible (for example: reading a book or saying I love you) and equipping fathers with stationery material so they can write home while away.
- Facilitating Virtual Connection: At-home parents adapted to fluctuating service member availability by adjusting the family’s schedule, such as allowing children to stay up late to call their parents.
- Consistently Promoting Presence: At-home parents routinely reminded children of their service member parent. This may take the form of the at-home parent regularly incorporating the service member parent in everyday conversations to help the child imagine his presence (For example, saying things like, “Daddy would love that,” “This is your dad’s favorite recipe”).
- Fathers’ Emotional Work: Some fathers tried to emotionally disengage from their family when staying focused on mission and safety (for example, avoiding daydreaming about their family). Some also tried to avoid talking about worrying topics during their calls with family.
Importance of Community and Relevant Resources
Finding local and online support groups tailored to men can connect men with a community that truly understands their experiences. Providing links to helpful resources such as military family organizations, mental health services, and educational programs may also help men and their families. Below are a few additional resources you can refer to in your work of supporting men and fathers:
- Military OneSource – Relationships
- This list offers programs highlighting relationship support.
- Thrive Modules from the Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness, Father Forward: Present. Engaged. Supportive.
- This course intends to provide support to fathers/father figures who have child-rearing responsibilities and also supports those who parent alongside men.
- Equimundo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice
- Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC) Article – Men and mental health: What are we missing?
By considering these perspectives, providers can bolster effective engagement, meaningful connection, and healthy family outcomes for their male clients.
Resources:
- El Nokali, N. E., Bachman, H. J., & Votruba-Drzal, E. (2010). Parent involvement and children’s academic and social development in elementary school. Child development, 81(3), 988–1005. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01447.x
- Schaeffer, K.. (2023, June 15). Share Key facts about dads in the U.S. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/15/key-facts-about-dads-in-the-us/
- N.A. (2022). Mental health counselors. Data USA. https://datausa.io/profile/soc/mental-health-counselors#:~:text=The%20workforce%20of%20Mental%20health,Mental%20health%20counselors%20is%20White
