Written by: Kalin Goble Mathis, MS
Twice a week, I work with a local teen restorative justice program. We come together in a circle and begin each class with a self-connection check-in. We are guided to close or lower our eyes and pay attention to our external surroundings. To notice any sounds we hear, the tempo of our breathing, how our bodies are sitting in the chair, and any tension in our bodies. We then let this inform what we are feeling, and then move toward honing in on our needs, both our needs that have been met and our unmet needs, associated with how we are feeling.
This self-connection practice is rooted in social-emotional learning (SEL) principles. Strong social-emotional learning skills can be a protective factor, especially for the teens who make up our program, and help lead to successful relationships and interactions.
SEL consists of five components. Those core competencies are:
- Self-awareness: being able to accurately recognize one’s emotions and thoughts and their influence on behavior.
- Self-management: the skills of regulating one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively in different situations.
- Social awareness: the ability to take the perspective of and empathize with others from diverse backgrounds and experiences, to understand social and ethical norms for behavior, and to recognize family, school, and community resources and supports.
- Relationship skills: knowing how to establish and maintain healthy and meaningful relationships with various people and groups.
- Responsible decision-making: the capacity to make thoughtful and respectful decisions regarding personal behavior and social interactions, considering ethical standards, safety, social norms, realistic outcomes, and the well-being of oneself and others.
Find more on Effective Social and Emotional Learning Programs for preschool and elementary settings in the 2013 CASEL Guide, and more details on working with teens in the 2015 CASEL Guide.
Cornerstone for Emotional Connection
The first SEL component is self-awareness. By being comfortable with connecting with our feelings first, we strengthen the skills needed to identify, recognize, and manage our emotions in our interactions with others. Thus, self-awareness is the first step in building the capacity for emotional knowledge, emotional regulation, perspective-taking, and empathy (McClelland et. al., 2017).
So, how can this relate to your work in supporting military families and providing care for youth and adults?
Create a Safe Environment by Allowing Space for Everyone’s Voice
Throughout the cycle of the teen program I work with, we use self-connection to get comfortable sharing our feelings and to create a safe space for all participants. We consistently practice this. Everyone shares how they are feeling. The volunteers, the program coordinator, the case managers, and the teens. By being consistent and getting comfortable with sharing our feelings with others in our circle, we can then build on more intricate communication skills later in the cycle.
If a child, teen, or parent struggles to communicate their feelings and needs, beginning your interactions with self-connection may help them open up to dialogue later in services.
Start Small
You may start your sessions by asking your client to close their eyes, take a deep breath, scan their body, listen to the sounds around them, and think about what information they get from that. What are they feeling? Are they excited? Open? Happy? Hopeful? Exhausted? Fatigued? Reluctant?
This Feelings and Needs sheet from John Kinyon is one example of a resource that can provide language around identifying specific feelings and needs. This sheet helps articulate our feelings. Our Practicing Connection team explores in their podcast episode Using the Feeling Wheel to Know Your Emotions, a variety of free resources to guide you in identifying emotions.
Once we have established comfort in connecting with and identifying our feelings, we then move towards identifying the underlying needs (and whether our needs have or have not been met). These skills all work together to promote a positive environment of sharing and connecting.
For more details on SEL strategies and resources to promote youth resilience and coping skills, from the National Center on Safe Supportive Learning Environments.
In Conclusion…
Social and emotional learning (SEL) programs lead to measurable and potentially long-lasting improvements in many areas of children’s lives (Greenberg et. al., 2017). Self-connection can be a simple pause in your daily interactions that strengthens SEL capacities.
Engaging parents and children/youth alike in connecting with feelings equips them with tools to pause throughout their day, language to identify feelings/needs, and strategies to then regulate reactions to ones feelings and emotions. Connecting internally with yourself through articulating your feelings can help in connecting with the world and strengthening external relationships. By starting small, we can nourish safety in processing emotions and increasing healthy communication internally (within ourselves) and externally (in our relationships and interactions with others).
OneOp Resources
- Webinar| Tiny Hearts, Big Emotions: Cultivating Emotional Learning and Development with Responsive Practices
- Webinar| Beyond the Shape Sorter: Playful Interactions that Promote Strong Academic and Social-Emotional Skills
- Webinar| Harmony of Expression: Exploring Social and Emotional Development in Middle Childhood Through Expressive Art Approaches
- Blog Post| Temperament-Based Interventions with Children: Part 1
- Blog Post| Temperament-Based Interventions with Children: Part 2
References
Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). (2013). CASEL Guide: Effective Social and Emotional Learning Programs — Preschool and Elementary School Edition. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED581699.
Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). (2015). CASEL Guide: Effective Social and Emotional Learning Programs — Middle and High School Edition. https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5532b947e4b0edee99477d27/t/5d0948b6a78e0100015f652f/1560889545559/CASEL+Secondary+Guide+2015.pdf.
McClelland, M., Tominey, S., Schmitt, S., Duncan, R. (2017). SEL Interventions in Early Childhood. Future of Children, 27(1), 33-47. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1145093.
Greenberg, M., Domitrovich, C., Weissberg, R., and Durlak, J. (2017). Social and Emotional Learning as a Public Health Approach to Education. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1144819.pdf.
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